


Always

by mechafeline



Series: Star Trek Bingo 2020 [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fuck Or Die, Just lots of build up, M/M, Pon Farr, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Star Trek Bingo 2020, no actual porn sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26222368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mechafeline/pseuds/mechafeline
Summary: For Star Trek Bingo 2020, prompt: Fuck or Die.It's time for Spock's first Pon Farr. Is Jim ready? Is Spock even ready? Let's find out!
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: Star Trek Bingo 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904452
Comments: 4
Kudos: 125
Collections: Star Trek Bingo Summer 2020





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> So I just went ahead I wrote four one-shots in a day, for a fandom I've never written for before. Yes I am a masochist and have horrible time management, how did you know?
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this. Despite my own stupid time crunch I actually had a blast writing this one. Spock and Kirk just have a chemistry that's fun to play with.

Spock sat in the dim light of his room, mediating to try and get a grip on his self-control. It wasn’t easy, but he’d managed to stay sitting for nearly six hours despite the desperate clawing need to find his Captain and claim him, and that was a victory as far as he was concerned. It was easier when he didn’t breathe. Jim’s scent still lingered in the air from last night, inflaming the desire within him and weakening his control.  _ He must not leave. He must not go and find Jim while he’s on duty. He was in control. _

How he was going to get through this he had no idea. Jim would have seen that he’d moved himself off duty by now and he wouldn’t just accept that without coming to find out why. But telling him...he could, he wanted to... _ no _ . It was out of the question. But the longer he sat there the harder it became to convince himself of that.  _ Jim should be a part of such a life-changing decision, should he not? But it also isn’t exactly fair to ask such a thing of him so soon?  _

Spock growled to himself, abandoning his meditation as the cyclical thoughts became too much to bear. It was an impossible choice. Logically he should ask Jim to assist him, fulfil their bond and tie them forever as he so desperately wanted to. But his rampant emotions worried that this was too much to ask and far too soon. What if he scared Jim away for good? Or worse, what if he went through with it just to save Spock’s life and spent the rest of his own life regretting it? Spock wasn’t sure he could live knowing Jim was with him because he had to be, not because he wanted to be.

A knock at the door interrupted that rather depressing chain of thought. A moment later the very centre of all his inner turmoil strolled into his quarters, looking distinctly worried. “Hey, everything Okay?” he walked over to fall in the chair opposite, “I saw you reported yourself off sick, but Bones hasn’t seen you so...what’s up?”

“My apologies if I worried you, Jim,” Spock kept his voice as calm as he could, but having the object of his desires this close after almost an entire day of longing was not making it easy for him, “But I find myself unable to perform my duties at full efficiency today.”

Jim sat up straighter, “You still need to go and get checked out if something’s wrong, babe. I know your Vulcan powers make you way stronger than I am, but if I have to be prodded by Bones everytime I so much as sneeze around you, you kinda gotta do the same.”

“You have a variety of allergies that can put you in extreme danger. Therefore if you have any reactions Doctor Mccoy needs to know about it.” Spock narrowed his eyes, trying to keep the unwelcome swell of emotions at bay, “Additionally, less than a year ago you _died_. You must forgive me if I take the duty of keeping that from happening again very seriously.” Thinking about Khan and Jim’s brush with death was something Spock usually tried to avoid at all costs. Even now it was far too raw for him to process in a logical way. Every falter, every sign of sickness or weakness from Jim only reminded him of how fragile he was. How he’d lost him once and it could so easily happen again. Now, while his hold on his emotions was the weakest it had ever been, was the worst time to bring it up but he couldn’t stop himself.

Jim’s expression fell and his voice lowered. “Alright, you have a good point there. I’d probably be exactly the same if our positions were reversed.” He stood, closing the gap between them in a few strides. Spock stiffened, his hands tightening around the arms of his chair as he tried to resist the overwhelming urge to touch. “But I’m still worried about you. Are you sure I can’t convince you to go see someone?”

“It’s not necessary,” his voice wasn’t as smooth as he wanted but he found himself caring less and less with each passing second. He smelt so good and he was  _ right there _ … “I know exactly what the problem is and how to fix it.”

“Oh,” Jim’s blue eyes lit up, looking relieved, “Okay cool. How do we fix you up? Do you need any help?”

_ Yes, I need you. Now. Anywhere you’ll allow me _ . “I- yes but...we need to discuss it first,” Spock swallowed, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

Jim replied before he could even try to take them back. “Yeah?” Jim settled on the floor, resting an arm across his knees and leaning his head on it. There was no way Jim could know how enticing that was, but having him that close-  _ touching _ , it was driving him insane. “What do you wanna talk about?”

“It...is not so simple as wanting to talk about it, Jim. This is something not usually discussed with...outworlders. It is an incredibly personal matter.”

“Okay,” Jim paused for a moment, clearly mulling over his words, “So would it make it easier if I promise to keep this between us?”

“Somewhat, yes,” Spock allowed his careful control to slip slightly, moving one hand to touch the side of his face. He was so close to Jim’s PSI points, the thought of joining their minds nearly overwhelmed him but he forced himself to continue. If they were going to do this (and apparently he'd decided they were), Spock would not allow himself to skip any details Jim might need. “Please do not believe that I don’t trust your word, t’hy’la. There is no one in the universe I trust more than you.” The smile that earned made Spock’s heart thump harder in his side. “It is...not something any Vulcan is proud of. It’s the deepest shame we carry as a species. I had assumed I would not be afflicted by the Pon Farr due to my mixed biology but it seems I was not so fortunate.”

“Hey, if it means anything, nothing you can tell me would ever make me think less of you,” Jim turned to kiss the hand still resting on his cheek and Spock inhaled sharply, “I love you, that won’t change because of something you can’t control. And I wanna help as much as I can - as much as you want me to.”

_ I want you, I burn for you t’hy’la please _ … “I love you too, Jim. Very well, it is...it is to do with,” he ground his teeth, trying to find the right word before rather awkwardly spitting out, “ _ Mating _ .”

“Oh. O-Okay,” Jim blinked, his expression remaining calm despite Spock’s awkwardness, “How does it affect you, the Pon Farr?”

“Once every seven years a Vulcan is driven to…” he trailed off, trying to find the right words as his heart thumped hard in his chest. One wrong word now and he could lose this man forever.

“It’s alright, Spock, you don’t have to be embarrassed,” Jim’s eyes were soft and he squeezed his knee reassuringly, “Take your time, Okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

_ No you most certainly are not. You are **mine**. _ He cleared his throat. “It is a difficult time. Our logic is taken from us, replaced with a primal need to... _ reproduce. _ ” He almost cringed at the word but forced himself to continue, “It is impossible to think of anything else or control emotion. It is customary for all Vulcans to have a betrothed waiting for them on Vulcan for when the time arises.”

“O-Oh...d-do you have er, someone waiting for you?” despair clouded those beautiful blue eyes despite how hard Jim tried to hide it, his voice shaking. It was intolerable. “New Vulcan isn’t too far from our position, I could probably get you there in less than two days if we really push it.”

“No. Due to my heritage it was not believed that I would be able to reproduce, or that I would even enter this time. As such my parents so no need to find me a suitable match.”  _ And I would never bond with anyone but you. _

“Alright, so what happens if you don’t find a mate?” the clear relief in Jim’s voice could have brought a smile to Spock’s face any other time, but all his mind could think of was how badly he wanted to prove to him there could be no one else. 

“...I would die.”

“You would  _ what?!” _ Jim sounded appalled, flinching away from his Vulcan as though he’d been struck, “You could  _ die _ and no one ever made sure you would have someone there for you, just in case?”

“It is not as simple as that,” he moved his hand to run his fingers through his golden hair, trying to reassure him, even though he was far from relaxed himself, “It is more than a one time act. The only way to truly relieve the madness is to mate - form a permanent meld with a willing partner. To have another wait for my time with no guarantee it would ever come is a waste of resources my species can no longer afford.”

Jim paused, studying Spock’s expression as he took in the information. “So if we did this, we would be bonded?” he said slowly, as though carefully thinking over each word, “Is that why you didn’t tell me as soon as you worked it out?”

“Affirmative.”

“So, what can we do?” he asked seriously, only a flicker of pain in those blue eyes giving away he wasn’t entirely okay with this, “Is there someone else we can ask? Like, is there a Vulcan Pon Farr contingency plan or something?”

_ Does he think...that I don’t want him? _ Possessive indignation swelled in the pit of his stomach,  _ unacceptable. _

“ **_No_ ** , there is only _ you _ ,” he growled out before he could stop himself. “You misunderstand, Jim. It is not that I don’t want to bond with you, you are the only being I could ever desire in such a way. A bond like this is  _ permanent _ . You will be tied to me until death without any way to back out if you change your mind. We have only been courting for 10 months, two weeks, five days and thirteen hours. To ask you to tie yourself to me in such a way so soon for my sake is unfair.”

Jim blinked. “So you were more worried about me being  _ unhappy _ than you were about the fact you could  _ die? _ ”

“It is not an unreasonable concern,” Spock’s eyes narrowed slightly. He was well aware his thought process was not logical, he didn’t need the least logical being in the universe pointing it out.

“I didn’t say that, I was just...you’re amazing you know that?” Jim’s smile lit up his entire face, chasing away the slight irritation he felt. “Everytime I think I know how much I love you, you make me love you more.” 

“You are...not upset?” Spock asked tentatively, unsure what to make of this reaction. He’d been expecting horror or uncertainty, not a confession of love.

He chuckled, “No, I’m not upset.” Jim’s free hand found his own, pressing two fingers against his in a Vulcan kiss that sent tremors of delight down his spine. “You want to bond with me? Really? It’s not like a side effect of the Pon Farr or something?”

“I do, truly, Jim,” there was no doubt in his mind and he hoped he could convey the strength of his convictions now, “To know your mind and call you mine for the rest of our lives would be my greatest privilege.”

“I’m really glad you think that, babe,” he pressed a kiss to his knuckles before moving away. “I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while and I kept putting it off ‘cause you’re right, we haven’t been seeing each other for very long. But I know I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, so I guess now’s the time.”

Spock tilted his head in confusion, the only outward reaction he’d allow himself. He wanted desperately to snatch that hand back, pull him in and take him right then and there but if Jim had something to say he should be allowed to do so before Spock ravaged him. 

“I know this isn’t how it works on Vulcan but er, I want you to know I’m just as down for this as you are.” Jim dropped down on one knee and Spock froze, realizing what had to be coming. “Spock, will you bond with me?”

The reaction was immediate. Spock launched himself out of the chair, bowling Jim over and pinning him to the ground beneath him with a growl. “ _ Yes. _ ” He couldn’t contain himself. His hands moved everywhere at once, trying to claim every inch of this beautiful man as he finally brought their lips together. The flame inside of him exploded into an inferno, the last of his self control burning into nothing as Jim writhed beneath him. 

He pulled away for a moment, burying his face in Jim’s neck and breathing in the intoxicating scent of his soon-to-be bondmate. “ _ Mine. _ ”

“ _ Yours. _ ” Jim agreed breathlessly, his arms moving up to wrap around his Vulcan’s neck, “Always.”


End file.
